Becoming Single Again for the First Time!

So the other day, my friend Marie told us about the new Q-Tip cd; that it was really nice and that we should check it out!  So I hops on to Limewire and let the downloading begin. I wanted to hear a sample of what I was downloading so I went to Youtube and looked for new songs by Q-Tip. The first one I came across was the video for his song “Getting Up“, which contains the following lyrics:

Sent you a message, sent you an email
Hasty decisions, we may still prevail
Both needed breaks, we both needed to bail…

Walking thru the corridors of my mind
The hideaways, the nooks, and thangs with good times
Memories, certainly yes, they still bind…

Still a common man, and yeah that’s for sure
Still a bankroll, and yeah still couture
But man, this thing that we had was much more…

Come back home, don’t be out in the world
It’s a rat race and no place for a girl
And most scavengers have found the pretty pearl…

It’s for the faint of heart who never get enough
Gotta get tough, buckle em up, we call em guts
And we, and we and we…

Said we gettin’ up…

Come over here baby, don’t look so grumpy
This kind of lifestyle could be so comfy
We can start a clan just like the Kennedy’s…

You and I advance, certainly we can expand
Feelings that should never end
And you respect me like a friend
But love me like your man
No other could contend

Or we could be like those exposed 2 history
Like staying with each other with truth and chivalry
The things we go thru, they shape our identity…

Yes, pretty, let’s do this all nite
Consummate this thing and make it alright
And when we cuddle up and promise that it’s right…

Said we gettin’ up…

I (You) like to watch everybody gravitate towards you (me)
Your (My) magnetic presences make them come thru
The same way you (I) got them, you got me too…

Now look at our lives are so colorful
A wonderful spectrum, not 1 tone dull
Full of excitement and not 1 lull…

See, we had an understanding, oh yes we did
I’m bringing it back, I’m puttin in my bid
Have a couple of kids,  and have a couple of cribs…

We like Ruby Dee and Ossie, Martin and Coretta
Doin it to death, no one can do it better
When we leave our physical, our sprits still together…

Come on now, here’s a placement for your hand
You rockin with the #1 MC (wo)man
The #1 controller of right with the plan…

Said we gettin’ up…

Now naturally this song made me think of my current ex…or at least the way I felt towards him a few months ago…and I write this because as I read over the lyrics again and really jogged my mind, the reality hit me…I DON’T FEEL THIS WAY ANYMORE!!

And this actually makes me a bit sad. I know there are some of you out there who have been in relationships with people and at some point you two may break up or simply decide that you want to take a break from each other for a while. And it is during this time that you still harbor those feelings, or in some cases fantasies that the two of you may get back together again. Often times, you do get back together…other times you do not. It may depend very heavily on the amount of time that you two are apart.

Because the longer you are apart, the more it seems that you learn of how your ex really is. You begin to see him or her in ways that you may have been blind to when the two of you were “in love”. I will keep my personal realizations to myself but I have seen enough to know…or to at least wonder, “Was this person always this way? Or has he changed? Or is it me that has changed? Or am I only just noticing it?” It’s crazy…

But the reason why it makes me sad is because its often this hope in reconciliation that keeps you sane…it CAN make you INSANE as well but in my case, after many many months of insanity, it eventually gave me my peace…in thinking that “Yes, I am single now, but insha’Allah one day things will go back to how they were and it will be alright.”

That hope was an illusion. Things never go back to how they were because things never go back…we only move forward…so wanting to go back is just…well, wrong!

I am very pleased with the relationships that I have with all of my former boyfriends. I think the most important thing at the end of the day is that the two of you can remain friends. And this is what I am most thankful for.

But I still cannot deny that even I was a bit shocked to realize that I no longer want more than this friendship! As I mentioned before, it saddens me a bit because I had hopes, and dreams, and visions, and all that stuff that runs through your mind and makes you believe that things will be one way when really they are destined to be completely different! But at the same time, there is a sweet liberation in it all…and for the first time since my break-up almost a year ago…I am finally claiming it: I’m SINGLE!

This is still a nice song though! Check it out!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KcL3_GKS0wg&feature=related

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