Dear Dating Diary, Entry #1: “Slow and steady wins the race…”

Okay, so as it says over there in the sidebar, I am trying this whole dating thing again. Well, actually, I think I am trying it out wholeheartedly for the first time! You see, I have learned a lot in the 15 years I’ve “experienced” the male species and one thing I have noted is that I’ve spent too much of my life obsessing over a MAN that I haven’t really had a chance to enjoy MEN! I’ve been through the same thing that we all have been through; a heartbreak here, a heartbreak there. And in between each heartbreak, I don’t think I’ve ever given myself a chance to be single. I mean, I was single in terms of not having a boyfriend but I wasn’t LIVING a single life. As I said, a lot of time post-breakup was spent getting over the breakup and I always seemed to just fall into something new in the midst of it. And then, most assuredly, THAT ends up becoming another breakup and the cycle begins again.

Well, not this time. It’s time to LIVE the single life! And what better age to begin than at the tender, sexy, super sweet age of 30! In some cultures, I would be branded as a hopeless case being that I am not already 10 years into a marriage by now. All I can say to that is, I have been said to have one of the best bums in town..and you are welcome to kiss it.

I am at the prime of my life! I am only four months into this 30′s gig and I have enjoyed every moment of it, whether the moments have been tearful or full of laughter! And again, I have learned so much in my “lessons about boys” that I feel that I am finally at the point where I understand these simple creatures…and thus know how to handle myself with them, and in turn handle them!

So today, in my first entry, I want to speak a bit on the early early stages of dating. Early as in met a guy, had a date or two early. You know the saying, “slow and steady wins the race”? Well, that is the same approach we must take when getting to know a man we’re interested in. We can’t immediately interpret a good time with a guy as our destiny being fulfilled! Have you seen the movie, “He’s Just Not That Into You“, where that obsessive chick started going text crazy and damn near thinking of baby names after even brief encounters? Even though she did score herself a boo in the end, the killer-contact-bug-a-boo is never a good look.

I was out with one of my homeboys and he’d told me about a lovely lady he’d met a few days before. Over the course of my few hours with him, she messaged him at least four times that I can recall. Apparently there was something or other going on in the next few days and she was inviting him and checking his schedule for the evening. First of all, let me again point out, that they’d only met a few days prior. Kind of quick to be trying to fill his calendar full of time with her. I mean, true enough, my boy is hot! But that brings me to my second of all:

Ladies, if a man is interested in you, he will call and invite YOU out! It may sound old-fashioned but in theory, we ARE dealing with men here. They’ve been pretty standard since the beginning of time. One of their immortal traits is the desire to be chivalrous. This strongly entails them being in control (or feeling as they are in control because some of us have learned/are learning to rein it in from the jump Still, they like to be in control of everything, from start to finish, and that includes their interactions with us.

And we ladies shouldn’t have too much of a problem with that because we have too much other things going on to get drifted away by one experience, right? You’ve read the dating books, watched the talk shows; so you’ve heard it all before: we cannot make ourselves so…available. If you’re free when he’s free…lovely. If you’re not…lovely. Besides, men LOVE competition…so he won’t mind competing for your time…or feeling as he has to (cause again, we girls know how to make them feel a certain way when everything is truly in our pretty little hands

So even if the first date was great and the next couple of dates were even greater, sometimes holding back on weekly planners and the “I’ve been thinking about you all day” messages is a good thing. While men DO adore the attention, I know for a fact that it is the elusive woman who gains their attention the most. I mean, case in point, the event this young lady invited my friend to, he turned around and asked ME to go with him!

But while we’re on this texting thing…it has definitely become the new preferred way of communicating, now hasn’t it? Whether this is a good or bad thing, we’ll discuss another time. Still, I’m not saying, don’t text him at all. However, limit your texts: in both occurrence and content. Keep it short and sweet. A “hello, hope your day is going well” once or twice in the week is much better than the daily breakfast, lunch, and dinner reports. And yes, I know some argue how sad it is that we’ve come down to speaking with thumbs; sadly the hour long phone conversations ended with the rise of cell phone bills…or for some us, with graduation from high school. But to be fair, phone calls ARE nice. We’re still in the early stages, though…so texts are fine…for now!

I remember  a few days after a date one of my friends asked me if I’d heard from the guy. I told her we’d been keeping in touch through text to which she replied, “That’s it?” Well…ummm…yea! Dude, it was just a date. Again, I think its a bit early for the daily good morning and good nights. Another girlfriend asked me if we made out, and when I told her we hadn’t, the date was automatically doomed a failure.

Now, we’ve already commented on the contact overkill, but now I just want to throw in there that ladies, if you are still putting out on the first date, you don’t want to be in a relationship. You just want to have fun, get hurt, and possibly end up bitter (if not reborn I am 30 years old. And although it is not my mission, I DO want to be in a relationship. I’ve already learned the hard way the dangers of not taking it slow. And there comes a time when you have to evaluate old and/or recurring patterns in past relationships. If the common theme is not that which has been to your advantage, a shot at a new approach is definitely in the cards.

So me? I’m just chilling. Enjoying the moments as they come. As far as the “s” word is concerned: been there, done that. Again, I have learned enough about complications involved with THAT touchy subject, and honestly, it’s just not on my agenda right now. I am much more stimulated by laughter and great conversation! These are the elements that will yield a second date much faster and/or with more respect, than a first -night, potentially ONE-night stand.

So ladies, enjoy yourselves, keep the dates light-hearted and fun! And remember there is nothing at all wrong with holding on to the energy of a nice night out with a cutie. Just don’t get carried away by it and start listening for the bells! Stay calm…stay cool…stay busy…maintain a mellow level of interest. And if the dates happen to come few and far between, don’t lose a single second of your life with stress or even wonder about it! You just come up with your OWN ways to treat yourself to a good time! This is one of the joys of being single…live it, embrace it, love it! Because trust me, when you do, everyone will notice it, especially men/that man!

As I told a male friend of mine, not every man has poonanny solely on the brain. Many are more so attracted to the light, the cool-hot vibes that emanate from a woman (well the ones who possess such light, anyway and to add to that, REAL men also understand and appreciate the value of taking it slow!

So that’s enough for now…signing off! I have another date tonight…I’m looking forward it! The energy boost will do me some good in the course of this busy work week! But hmmmm, what to wear…alas, even in the course of keeping calm, we women still have our obsessions…and I think this is what my next entry will be about!

Happy days to ya! <3 K

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