Dear Dating Diary, Entry #5: “Welcome to the world of self-dating…”

On a previous entry, I mentioned that if dates come far and few between, then you have to do things to maintain your good vibes! You have to keep yourself so occupied with self-fulfilling activities that you don’t even have time to think about whether or not such and such is going to call you or if perhaps you will meet a nice guy at this weekend’s function.

No, ladies… screw the guys! Well, not screw the guys but…you know…forget about them for a while! Our number one priority is ourselves and if we can’t go out and have a nice time with a guy then dammit, we are just going to have to go out and have a good time alone!

“Go out alone?” you may ask, “How lame is that?” Not lame at all! I read one blog entry where the author lists “taking yourself out on a date” as one of 100 ways to make the world a better place!

This is a very understandable concept. Making time for yourself enables you to encompass a more positive energy and when you are enveloped with positivity, you can’t help but to spread it to those around you!

So for those of you not already hip to the game, it’s time to engage in the act of self-dating! Treat yourself to lunch; enjoy a day at the spa; lounge poolside with a cocktail; visit an art museum! The possibilities are endless!

Chillin' by my lovelysome at the Badeschiff in Berlin, July 2010

Basically, just imagine all the things you like to go out and do with your buddies or partner…and now imagine doing these things on your own! The experience (of actually doing, not simply imagining) is very rewarding!

Those of you quite accustomed to socializing in groups or pairs may find the self-date a bit difficult at first. But just think of how much more fun you’d be around others when you can learn how to enjoy yourself alone!

Now, I know all to well the feeling of self-consciousness when showing up places by yourself. Seems like everyone is looking at you and thinking, “Damn, how pathetic is she? She couldn’t find a date…doesn’t she have any friends? She must be so lonely!”

Well, relax ladies (and gents, if you’re reading). I mean, true enough, there may be some shallow people who think this and to such mind-sets, you should award them a temporary lip spot on your bum!

I came across another blog page entry entitled “Is A Woman Eating Alone An Act of Bravery?” I was all for the author’s point at first. She’d become astounded because  of her friend’s reaction to her dining alone. The friend made the comment that others may think she was a loser. But the author fought back:  “Why would I care about what people I don’t and will never see again think?” she asked.

I admired her fortitude and was ready to give her a virtual high five… until she concluded her argument writing that it’s only acceptable to eat alone during the day and that she’d rather starve than dine solo on a Saturday. Fail.

Personally,  whether it’s day or night, weekday or weekend, I find people who roll on the scene solo very intriguing, confident and sure of themselves. They are people who can enjoy their time alone and don’t mind showing it!

So if they’re anything like me, if people are looking, it’s out of a harmless curiosity. And I suppose many are glancing at’cha because you’re so darned attractive, you little vixen you!

Out for a Thai lunch on Kings St. in Sydney, March 2008

Still, I go on self-dates all the time; particularly when I travel, as I always travel alone. And although I describe self-daters as confident and sure in my sight, as the self-dater, I do sometimes feel a bit self-conscious.

For example, last week, I took myself to lunch at the Doha Golf Club. I’d invited a few people to join me but everyone was tied up so I decided to go alone. When I walked in, I felt awkward at first because naturally, I got a few side glances.

However, I didn’t let what I felt briefly on the inside show even for a moment on the outside. Instead, held my head up and sat down with an air of comfort and relaxation about myself.

This act very quickly became a reality, as it does every time I take myself out, and before I knew it, I felt as if I was in my element…as if I go there alone all the time!

'Tis I...on a self-date in Istanbul, April 2010...out for lunch, wine and shisha!

Now, I will admit, the lunch/dinner self-dates are probably the most boring of all as there aren’t any other distractions…unless you are in a restaurant with a live band or Chippendale dancers or something. So I always bring a book or magazine with me and I never ever ever leave home without my notepad and ink pen!

Reading and writing are not only great ways to keep you stimulated during these type of isolated self-dates, but they also allow opportunities to engage in very healthy outlets. What better way to clear and/or expand your mind! That’s my idea of quality time alone well spent!

Reading "The Goddess Experience" while out for lunch December 2009

As a more “involved” alternative, I also enjoy attending concerts put on by the Qatar Philharmonic Orchestra and I try to catch the odd play or opera here and there. Last year, I attended seminars for the Doha Film Festival! I love going on these type of self-dates because not only do I have a culturally stimulating time but I also see such interesting people.

Now, I know this is supposed to be time for yourself but still what better place to meet people than places where you can find those who share interests with you other than getting tipsy at a pub?

You will notice, though, I wrote that I see interesting people…not meet them. Thing with me is,  with my slight self-consciousness comes also a shyness that prevents me from, gulp, approaching beautiful strangers…unless of course, I’m a few margaritas in! However, I want that kind of energy when I am sober-minded as well! But I digress…

Point is, some self-dates have the potential to lead you to a sweet personal connection here and there. Not that you should be out mate-stalking on your alone time, but hey, if you’re going to meet someone, places like gallery openings and contemporary music performances aren’t bad places to link up!

Bike Tour, Barcelona, April 2009; perfect s-d for meeting peeps!

In my travels, I have found that participating in guided tours and culture courses are also self-date options that include great opportunities for new bonds. I love going on bike treks through the city and attended cooking classes in both Spain and Istanbul.

Can’t report that I came across any cuties in the process but I met cool people all the same. And in case you didn’t know, meeting cool people = wave of positive energy. Aaaaaah!

Posing at the Sarnic Hotel Cooking Class in Istanbul, April 2010

Other self-dates I have taken myself on include going to Cafe Ceramique for a bit of lunch and pottery painting (it’s not just for kids, you know); ordering myself takeout and going for a mini-picnic on the Corniche; even getting a nice music playlist together and going for long drives around the city in my Sparkle-bug! Nothing much to any of it but enjoyable nonetheless!

On the flip side, spending time with yourself doesn’t always have to extend past your front door! You can have a self-date right in the comfort of your own home!

Light your candles, get your aromatherapy working over time. Prepare yourself a delicious meal. Pop in a good movie. And make sure there is plenty of ice cream in the freezer!

Set aside an afternoon or evening to pamper yourself at home. Full on manicures and pedicures, bubble baths, hot oil treatments, deep-cleansing facials. I even like to play dress-up from time to time! :p

Or you can engage in a creative self-date…make a scrapbook, paint a portrait, choreograph a dance routine (my favorite!)…again, the possibilities are endless…just use your imagination!

The key to this whole self-date thing is to keep yourself occupied with things that ease and stimulate your mind, enhance your creativity and boost your sense of self!

This is especially important when you are single because…well, it can get a bit lonely! But solitude is said to be a very powerful weapon and the last thing we need to do is to allow our loneliness to turn that weapon against us.

So get up off your lonely, I mean, lovely bum and go and do something good for, to, and with yourself! You won’t regret it…and won’t have to worry about the after-date phone call in the morning! Bonus!

Advertisement