For Marie…so she can smile and giggle!

(Yep….another old Myspace blog…but my friend Marie was just talking about this blog the other day so here it is, girl…for easier access for your reading pleasure! {I know longer work at the below-mentioned school, by the way!})

21 Sep 2006

Bad ass kids Current mood: cold   Here I am, finally able to sit down and type a blog and I have absolutely nothing to talk about! Maybe I can talk about how its so cold in my office that my fingers are numb and it has changed the way I write and it is making it more difficult for me to type…okay, that was that… Maybe I can talk about those bad ass kids at the first grade where I teach…yea, I think I will talk about them… Now I normally like to watch what I say about other people’s children because I hope to one day have children of my own…but there are some fucking retards at that school! I have one boy…rather intelligent actually…he can read and he remembers all of the vocabulary words we have discussed…but sometimes for no apparent reason at all, he will just start screaming at the top of his lungs. And its not a scream of pain; he screams with a smile on his face! I just look at him like the fucking retard he is and keep on with my lesson. And the other day, for no apparent reason at all, he politely threw his notebook at the whiteboard. I just looked at him like the fucking retard he is and kept on with my lesson. Then he politely threw his pencil case at the whiteboard. I just looked at him like the fucking retard he is and kept on with my lesson. Then he stood up, picked up his bookbag, and politely threw that at the whiteboard. I just looked at him like the fucking retard he is and kept on with my lesson. Then, he stood on top of his desk and started beating on his chest and making noises like King Kong. I just looked at him like the fucking retard he is and kept on with my lesson. Sometimes I want to grab him by that poor little neck of his (and I say  poor because the poor thing has to support a head the size of a watermelon) and choke the retard out of him! I am so afraid…really, I think one day I am going to grab him by the arm and slam him into whiteboard, look at him like the fucking retard he is, and keep on with my lesson. Then I have a girl who talks with a spit…no, not a lisp, a spit…she’s really juicy mouthded and I told her she needs to stop spitting on me before I tape her mouth up with duct tape. “Teasher, my penshil ish on the floor!” “Well, pick it up (whispers) retard!” “Teasher Krishten, I can’t find my shissors!” “They are right there on the desk in front of you (whispers)retard!” “Teasher Krishten, I finished my work!” Inner dialogue : ‘What the fuck? I can’t read this retard handwriting!’ “Good job (whispers) retard!” She can’t read, she can’t write, she can’t see, she can’t think, she can’t talk…why the hell is she in the first grade? Then I have a little four year old who doesn’t know how to say anything in English except for “Miss!” He spends the whole class period running around harrassing people. He’s 4…why the hell is he in the first grade? And then, its the little Philipino boys…who are also really smart…they have perfect handwriting, do their work well…but I swear, I have to say “David SIT DOWN!” or “CJ, stop making those strange noises” one more time… David…missing all of his front teeth…head looks like a football…can’t stay in his seat to save his life…but normally if I threaten to call Hamad Hospital (where his mother works) he’ll sit the hell down…for about two minutes… CJ…always looks like he’s squinting…thinks he’s a super hero…often talks, sings, or squeaks to himself…actually brought a little smile to my face when he broke out in R. Kelly’s “I Believe I Can Fly”…typical superhero song…likes to draw bugs and baby aliens…strange little kid… And this is just the other class…I have to go to the other class to teach English and Social Studies for two periods…I haven’t even gotten started on my class yet… My class is pretty retard free though…I actually really like my class…I just have two boys who need a brand new mouth because mommy obviously feeds them sugar rocks for breakfast, lunch, AND dinner. I hate when I see kids with rotten baby teeth! How the hell do you get rotten baby teeth! That’s the fault of the parents; they’re some fucking retards too! And one of my little girls forgot to brush her teeth this morning because her breath….whew…my stomach is churning now just thinking about it…and she just kept fucking talking to me…girl, go eat a peppermint stick and leave me the hell alone! Then in the retard class, little Habiba from India was smelling like her ancestors…she kept talking to me too…I think she may have heard me tell her to get her stank ass away from me…I need to work on my whispering and thinking out loud… So, I have said all this to say…this teaching gig may not be the thing for me…I think what makes it worse is that I have to deal with all these fuckers by myself…this broke ass school obviously cannot afford to hire teacher’s assistants. They better do something quick though…these little ‘tards are stressing me out. I am just getting over a stress related stomach infection…the shit wasn’t cool…literally… And please, I hope I have not offended anyone with my extensive use of the word retard…it is not an anyway related to and is never used in reference to those suffering from special needs disorders… I have to go now…I need to go to the restroom and thaw out…its fucking freezing in here…